Friday Night Blues
I haven't entered much these past few days.
After I got back to work from my vacation, I was very busy. Now, Fiday night, I am catching up on all the laundry that has been accumulating for the past two weeks.
I guess I'm a little depressed.
I'm not seeing anyone, I was married and after I divorced I went out with this girl for about two years and found out she was fooling around the whole time. We had a long distance relationship. I haven't really dated since. Well, I did have about a two month fling for a while last summer. I think I've had sex twice since last September, maybe 3 times at the max. I don't think I'm worth much in the long term relationship department anymore, meeting someone and dating and getting into it seems like a game that I don't want to play. I don't really want just sex either, (but it WOULD be nice more than just occoasionally!) I want companionship and to trust and be trusted and work to make a relationship work. Basically, I want a relationship, but don't want to start one, I want to be in one already established. Kinda like wanting a college degree but never wanting to enroll. I want a good relationship, but don't know anyone I'd be willing to put out the effort to build a relationship with. I just don't want to expend the energy to get started. Sounds pretty bad, huh? Basically, temporarily at least, I quit. I don't go out, I don't look, I don't know anyone single, if I get lonely and want to call someone on the phone I don't know anyone to call.
Does this make sense? But don't get me wrong, my life is good, and I like it.
Most of the time.
After I got back to work from my vacation, I was very busy. Now, Fiday night, I am catching up on all the laundry that has been accumulating for the past two weeks.
I guess I'm a little depressed.
I'm not seeing anyone, I was married and after I divorced I went out with this girl for about two years and found out she was fooling around the whole time. We had a long distance relationship. I haven't really dated since. Well, I did have about a two month fling for a while last summer. I think I've had sex twice since last September, maybe 3 times at the max. I don't think I'm worth much in the long term relationship department anymore, meeting someone and dating and getting into it seems like a game that I don't want to play. I don't really want just sex either, (but it WOULD be nice more than just occoasionally!) I want companionship and to trust and be trusted and work to make a relationship work. Basically, I want a relationship, but don't want to start one, I want to be in one already established. Kinda like wanting a college degree but never wanting to enroll. I want a good relationship, but don't know anyone I'd be willing to put out the effort to build a relationship with. I just don't want to expend the energy to get started. Sounds pretty bad, huh? Basically, temporarily at least, I quit. I don't go out, I don't look, I don't know anyone single, if I get lonely and want to call someone on the phone I don't know anyone to call.
Does this make sense? But don't get me wrong, my life is good, and I like it.
Most of the time.
posted by MarkD60 at 7:53 PM
4 Comments:
I was desperately waiting for someone to leave me a comment on my blog and you did! A very sweet one too. I like what you said. I will continue to check out your blog too. Thanks so much, you made me smile :)
the best thing about the downtime is knowing that it's going to have to give way to an incredible time afterwards.
you can only go so down before going right up...follow the sine curve... :)
may fulfilling companionship be yours again...
in the meanwhile, we all know what you're talking about and wish you well.. :)
:flower:
Relationships are very hard work and trusting someone after you have been wronged is especially difficult. So enojoy your freedom right now. If you decide to embark on a relationship anytme in the near future, there will most likely be times when you look longingly back on your "wild and free" days. :)
Hello! Super work performed. Top PAGE, further so!
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