Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pissing On The Porch

I feel sorry for that astronaut girl, things are looking really bad for her. She's got some big time premeditation and preparation to account for.

Let me get it straight, she found out the other girl was flying to Orlando, so she got in her car, and made it there as fast as the plane?

Anyway, she's probably sitting in jail thinking, "Oboy, I fucked up. How could I ever have thought like I was thinking to get me here? My problems were small and my life was great until yesterday. What was I thinking?" It's a hard lesson in perspective.

Before it all started, she was probably spending a lot of time alone, delving deeper and deeper into bad reasoning and insanity. Insanity which she came out of when she got arrested.


When I joined the Navy (in 1979) I went to boot camp at North Chicago. There was a guy in my boot camp company from a town about 3 miles away. I was a big doper in those days, and two Saturday nights in a row, he and I and one other guy snuck out at night, climbed the fence, and met some of his friends and partied. The second Saturday, we got a quarter pound of marijuana and hid it off base under some railroad tracks, saving it for when we got out of boot camp. Later, someone found some pot in the bathroom, and although it wasn't ours (I don't think), there was a big investigation and many people told NIS about us climbing the fence, and coming back drunk. We got busted big time. I thought my life was ruined. I thought I was going to get kicked out of the Navy. I don't know why I didn't. Any time sooner or later, I would have. I rekkon the military was swinging between Viet Nam rules and the "Zero Tolerance" policy that came out soon after we got busted.
Fresh out of high school and busted in the Navy. I thought I failed my whole life instantly, barely after I left my parents and got on my own, I ruined everything.
What a fuckup I was. The shame.

I spent 17 weeks in an 8 week boot camp, and I know someone, somewhere, saved my ass from The Big Chicken Dinner, The BCD, Bad Conduct Discharge.

Anyway, I bet the astronaut girl feels like I felt.
End of the world.
Except for her, it probably is.

Another time, I was about 3 years old, I peed in the neighbors carpark, on thier steps. At the time, it seemed like a really good idea, I could save myself a trip inside the house, I could blame it on the dog. Nobody'd think it was me! When they said the dog ran away weeks ago, I remember thinking hmmmmm, I haven't seen that dog in a long time. . . . Same thing. . . .
Doomsday.
Ruination.

I had to scrub their stairs with a brush and a bucket of soapy water.

Maybe it'll work out for the astronaut girl, I hope it does. Maybe she'll come out of this better than when she went in, but I'm afraid she's too old to be learning what I learned at 3 years old and again in boot camp:
Sometimes you gotta stop, and ask yourself,
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

My life today is damn good, but I can mess it up quick, I'm aware of that. It only takes a second to piss on the porch.

12 Comments:

Blogger Carnealian said...

Who is the astronaut girl?? What'd I miss???

Up until last March, my life was pretty normal from day to day...things can really change when you're handed a big dose of life. I have to say eventhough I thought my life was good then, it's even better now. So sometimes when bad things happen they are for the good. Like your stories!

February 07, 2007 9:00 AM  
Blogger Restless Me said...

Uh, yeah, just a little premeditation!

Glad to hear you appreciate the good life. That kind of happens as the years go by. At least with me it does.

February 07, 2007 10:11 AM  
Blogger Renee said...

I heard that story on the radio news yesterday morning and couldn't believe it. But, I guess when you get emotionally caught up in something like that, you don't think straight.
Your 'pissing on the porch' story made me laugh. Innocence, huh?

February 07, 2007 10:25 AM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

Hey, you can't run with the big dogs if you piss like a pup. Or something like that. :)
I think you guys may have been why the Zero Tolerance policy was put into action. ;) Good lessons learned all around. I don't know about Miss NASA, but I'm sure she is kicking herself for that move.

February 07, 2007 10:45 AM  
Blogger Shelley said...

LOL, great post Mark! Miss NASA had a momentary psychotic break. Oh the things we can all do with a momentary lapse of reason. But she did have time to premeditate wearing a freakin NASA diaper for the trip. No pissing on the porch for her that day.

February 07, 2007 11:09 AM  
Blogger Oopsy Daisy said...

Speaking of pissing, I couldn't believe it when I heard about her wearing an adult diaper on the road trip so she wouldn't have to stop and pee. Talk about premeditation! Sheesh! She couldn't just pull over and pee on someones carport? *tee-hee*

February 07, 2007 1:03 PM  
Blogger kcterrilynn said...

Yep, it doesn't take much to screw up your life. It's a lesson everyone can benifit from, not just astronauts.

And I think it only takes a second to piss on the porch should be on a T-shirt.

February 07, 2007 3:58 PM  
Blogger MarkD60 said...

I imagine those astronauts always wear a diaper in their space suits. WE may think it's freaky, but it's probably not.
I used to wear one in my drysuit diving.

February 07, 2007 8:31 PM  
Blogger schmikey said...

I think I need to second the t-shirt idea. Great story, Mark, with a nice arc.

February 08, 2007 12:02 AM  
Blogger Marie said...

I don't know if I should feel sorry for her. Suppose a man had done all that? I doubt we'd be feeling sorry for him. She was planning to kill someone, after all.

February 09, 2007 12:51 AM  
Blogger Restless Me said...

Here's a question I've heard...

She wears a diaper so that she doesn't have to stop along the way. Right? What kind of car was she driving that gets 900 miles to a tank. I've made that same journey and I usually have to stop somewhere around the Louisiana/Mississippi border.

But then again, maybe she was driving some NASA car that got better gas milage. haha.

February 09, 2007 9:24 AM  
Blogger Debbie said...

Ha, it only takes a second to piss on the porch...

How true is that..

It's nice to know that at least you have self awareness.

February 10, 2007 10:31 PM  

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