Thursday, May 12, 2011

3 AM: The Damnedest Hour

Woke up at 3AM from bad dreams, it's always 3AM. 3AM is the worst hour. It's the loneliest hour.
I was dreaming that everyone was making fun of me.
"Yeah, you're fucked up" "You're the cause of everyones problems"
3AM is good for studying. I used to love it when I got up at 3, turned on my little lamp, and studied. Maybe I should take some more online courses. I kind of have been studying a little, I've been studying this audio editing program called Audacity. It's free and has a lot of good features, in fact, it seems to do everything anyone could need an audio editing program for.One thing that I find shocking is the sound of my own voice. I sound mean. Learning this program means I have been recording my own voice, and hearing my own voice a lot. Peoples voices sound differently when they are played back on a recording than they are coming from inside your own head.
My wife says I sound like a Sergeant. A few people used to call me Sarge where I used to work. I am surprised by how mean and impatient I sound, even when I don't feel mean or impatient. Another thing that always used to surprise me, is when I would walk past a building with a window, and I'd see a reflection of myself, I'd be very surprised how angry I look. I'd almost jump out of my own skin when I'd unexpectedly see my reflection.

I think I appear totally different on the outside than I feel on the inside.

Last night we were having trouble with the internet. I called the help desk, proceeded in dialing my way through their automated phone system, got put on hold, then disconnected after being on hold for 5 minutes. This seems to happen every time I call. Now I have to call back, I'm pissed. I don't even want to deal with those people. So my wife calls, 30 seconds later she's talking sweetly to the tech on the phone, and they promise to have it fixed in 12 hours. We were discussing it afterwards, and she was telling me I can't be pissed off on the phone. I wasn't pissed before they disconnected me. It's hard for me to not get irritated. I've mentioned it many times on this blog. But part of the problem is that I sound angry when I'm not, then the second party gets aggravated, and I think, "What's your problem? I haven't done anything to upset you!"

Anyway, this is it for this post. It's 6 AM now, blogger went down in the middle of me trying to post my post and I just found it was back up. Maybe I should call them and give them a piece of my mind?

5 Comments:

Blogger M said...

I pictured you as having a gruff voice, but I know you aren't mean! :)

May 12, 2011 6:54 AM  
Blogger sunshine said...

At 3am is when I am having the best dreams about you... so feel free to shake me gently and I would be more than happy to cuddle up with you.
I love you!

May 12, 2011 9:59 AM  
Blogger Gods Little People said...

It's for sure a very reflective thing hearing your own voice back... nohting like it sounds in your own head. Your thoughts on this reminded me of a teacher that used to send shivers through everyone at school. He looked SO stern and never smiled. Luckily my class didn't have this teacher daily but one day he appeared because our teacher was sick. I had no idea this particular teacher was waiting inside the classroom and I'd been goofing around outside waiting for our usual teacher to appear. Upon entering the classroom I loudly cracked a joke (not realising who was sat at the main desk!!). Well upon making the "discovery" all blood left my body and I near-died on the spot. Only what happended next was that he broke out in one almighty smile and kindly said; "Would you like to take your seat?". I was never reprimanded or anthing (yes, phew!!). Later on I learned that he lost his wife and young boy in a plane crash. You never never know what's hidden behind someones face and outward demenour.

May 12, 2011 11:57 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

I just sound country as all get out! :) Well, it isn't that bad, but I do have my moments!

Audacity is a GREAT program! I have used it for MANY things!

May 12, 2011 1:09 PM  
Blogger Chris H said...

I don't know anyone who likes the sound of their own voice!
I don't like mine either.
3m? that sucks. I often wake at around 1.30... but luckily can go back to sleep.
Blogger was an arse yesterday ... it was down for over 24 hours here!
Glad it's back now though. I would be lost without it... I love to blog!

May 14, 2011 2:03 AM  

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