Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Drought is Officially Over

Yesterday it rained, I mean really rained. Almost the whole backyard had about 6 inches of water in it. There's watermarks on all the poles and trees.
It was made worse by my future neighbor who put about 8 inches of nasty gray fill on the lot next door, but in all fairness, I gotta say, it did flood a little before.
On some of the neighbors houses, the water marks from the flooding are above the bottom of their doors.. Hope they stayed dry inside.
If you drive down our street and turn left, at the little curve there is always a big puddle there when it rains. Yesterday, that puddle was connected to the puddle in our backyard.
Another cool thing is that the ground was percolating, there were all kinds of air bubbles coming up from the ground. Most were continuous streams of small bubbles. There were several big ones with big bubbles going "Plop, plop, plop, sending up a big bubble every second or so. Wonder if there are caves down there????
Right now it's sunny.
98790

Friday, July 29, 2011

Running Late

Running late this morning, the alarm went off, but the volume was so low I couldn't hear it. Plus I was having a good dream.
Glad it's Friday, payday!
I haven't been visiting too many blogs this week, I'm still readjusting my schedule. I will get it worked out to fit it in.....
Have a good weekend!!!
98652

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A post like any other.

This is a post just like any other post on any other day. Got up this morning, jogged to the sea, swam a little, jogged home, showered, shaved and got ready for work. Not to mention walking the dawgs before my run and making coffee when I got back.
Here's a picture of me and all my new co-workers. Tomorrow is my first payday.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Self discipline gone awry

I started getting up early so that I could get some exercise before work. Namely, jog the point two miles to the sea, swim a little and then jog back home and shower and get ready for work.
Since then, it has rained. I supposed I could do all that in the rain, but I don't want to and I haven't.
Anyway, I hope this weather clears up soon. I thought it was going to be nice today, but it isn't...
I think my blog is boring lately.
98490

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Rainy Day

I took the car instead of the bike yesterday because of the weather. It was a good call. It's raining now, so looks like another car day. But maybe it will start breaking up by tomorrow.
I can't think of much to say today. I'm eating cereal and drinking coffee. The cereal seemed like it was almost empty, so I dumped the rest of the box in the bowl, now I have this huge bowl of cereal to eat. Too much.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Week 2

I set my alarm and then woke up earlier than I had it set for. I set it so I can get up early and get some exercise. It's still dark outside.
I'm worried about finding time post on my blog.
This is week two of the job. They gave me a Blackberry. What a piece of shit. Totally inferior to anything I've ever had. But I knew that, from reading the reviews and seeing them around....
Friday is my first payday.
The business is also picking up as well. I (hopefully) have a website to design, a computer to repair and a radio station to install.
All in the evenings and weekends.
I'm not a "work weekends and evenings" type of guy, I'm a "I work only because I need the money to pay for my diving and vacations" dude.
I'm going to try and take it one day at a time for awhile, and see if I can put together some sort of big picture. Then make adjustments.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

One From Three

I am up, getting ready for my first sippa coffee.
There used to be a radio station here called Ocean 95, it was a thing of beauty, fully automated, the entire station was in one equipment rack, satellite receiver, computer with internet, and transmitter, hooked up to the antenna.
The owner sold it, and the new management turned it into a regular station. Offices, announcers, studios and salespeople. Went out of business fast.
There were two other stations of the religious variety, Heaven 97 and Gospel 88. Their owner decided to take a trip (to Australia?) and apparently quit paying the bills. Eventually the two stations lost their licenses.
Now one lady has acquired all the equipment from all three stations, and this morning I am going to assess this equipment so she can make one (two?) radio stations of her own. Computer driven and satellite fed.
A lot of this equipment has been in storage for quite some time, and my be worthless, but a lot has been in use till fairly recently and will probably be good.
Should be an interesting morning!
98191

Friday, July 22, 2011

Didn't post this morning

This morning I woke up early, 4:30 ish. I've been waking up about 4:30 every day this week. But this morning I fell back asleep.
I had a dream that I bought some gas, then I had to pay at an ATM. But something went wrong, and I couldn't pay, so I was just going to drive away. I was trying to figure how I could possibly get caught when the Wifes alarm went off, and I woke up. Also in the dream, I took all the screws out of my watch, and they were all different. At some point in the dream, I spilled all the screws and didn't think I'd ever get my watch back together.. I spilled them inside the ATM booth in my dream.
Anyway, I woke up before I could rip off the gasoline, or try to fix my watch, or pay for the gas, and I was didn't have time to post before I went to work.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
98151

Thursday, July 21, 2011

My Write Up

Below is an article from the Chamber of Commerce magazine that came .I think if you click it you'll be able to read it.

Woke up with bad brain damage and headache this morning. Going to start my coffee remedy now.

Good bye Space Shuttle Program.
97937

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Boring blog post

The first day of work wasn't bad, I took lunch too early and it made the afternoon very long, but it wasn't bad at all!
I woke up early this morning, I was dreaming about pointing a satellite dish and I heard my wife say "I'm Freezing!" I woke up and asked here if she wanted me to help her keep warm but she was asleep, I was hearing things.
I am going to try to get a few minutes more sleep before I have to get up.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Here We Go

I am starting a new job today, I have to leave in fifty six minutes.
Wish me luck!
97656

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dog Bites Shark

I don't know if it would turn out this way every time, another day and it might be the shark biting the dog. From HERE.
video

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Chicky Love!

I heard a big old chicken ruckus and ran outside to see what was going on, just in time to see a chicken fly up into a tree to escape a rooster. It inspired me to write a romantic love po-eem
Who says chickens cannot fly?
She jumped up there, pretty high

Chicken chicken, in your tree,
there's a rooster under Ye!

Rooster rooster, you're in luck!
When she comes down, you'll get to f * * k!


You may now shower me with compliments about my deep romantical nature and my wonderful poetic ability!
97471

Friday, July 15, 2011

Our First Geocache

Geocaching is a real-world outdoor treasure hunting game. Players try to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, using GPS-enabled devices and then share their experiences online. The fun is in the find. You go to the website, (create a free account if you haven't already) enter the coordinates to your GPS, find the cache, write in the logbook, take something, leave something and hide the cache again, exactly as you found it. When you get home, don't forget to record your find (or did not find) on the website.
Also, for you Mommies and Daddies, there is an article HERE which states kids like Geocaching and it can help you get them out from in front of the TV, computer or video game and outdoors.

Below is a video entitled Geocaching in Two Minutes. Watch it and you'll save me a whole lotta typing.
video
Last week, I walked back into the woods behind our house. I found a hollow round rock like half a walnut shell the size of a basketball. Perfect for hiding something under. It screamed GEOCACHE ROCK! to me.
So The Wife and I got our GPS out and hid our first geocache (under the cool rock we found) near our house. We marked the precise coordinates from the GPS and put it on the Geocache website.
(You don't have to hide a geocache to go find them, just FYI, I've been finding them for years and this is the first I've hidden).

HERE is ours, have a look. So far, two groups of people have come and found it.

Also, look at the home page, I am sure you'll be surprised how close the nearest geocache is to you!!!!

97638

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Freeky Deeky!

Thursday. my last week of freedom is flying by fast.

Today I have to mow the yard, you can barely see the house from the street.

Last night I was very tired and went to bed early. Then I woke up at 3AM. Since I got the Kindle, I've been staying up till midnight, and sleeping through till 5 or 6. Last night I got up for a while, and then went back to bed.

I had a weird dream, the planet was covered in garbage. Broken splintered scrap wood, old barb-e-cue grills, washers and dryers and refrigerators, wrecked cars. All kinds of junk. About three feet deep. And wall to wall traffic. There was so much junk that when people drove their cars they had to bulldoze through the stuff. Everybody was driving a car, and they were bumper to bumper everywhere, trying to get through.
I was cleaning the junk out of my yard, and all of a sudden I heard a car horn, I turned around and it was a sweet little old man and a sweet little old lady, scowls on their faces, both flipping me the bird, bearing down on me, first in a line of honking cars. They were offended I got in their way and slowed their progress. Nevermind the fact that they were in my yard. Because I cleaned the yard, the drivers saw a clear path and started driving through my yard in an endless stream, bulldozing the mess back.
Freeky Deeky!
97270

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Bad Mood

I woke up this morning after having bad dreams. Coffee tastes like shit, because we ran out of coffee, and I have a pot made of mixed brands.
Maybe I shouldn't even post anything today, because I feel so negative.
I am not at peace, I am in conflict. I have advertising coming up for my business. At the same time, I feel my business isn't solid enough and I am starting a new job on Monday. After I start the new job, I won't have time for the business.
If I made a choice, take the new job and stop the business, or don't take the new job and push the business, (like pushing a car with four flat tires), I'd be fine, but I am not fine, I am split down the middle.
I feel like I can't see the truth inside myself.
And I'm angry. I want to know what to do.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Swimming Elephant

The other day I saw the perfect swimming elephant. By the time I ran and got my camera, his trunk had dissolved a little, but still I think it's pretty good!
97078

Monday, July 11, 2011

Amazon Kindle

For my birthday my wife got me an Amazon Kindle. I really like it. The Kindle is exactly like reading from paper. On computers, I have found that it it seems more difficult to get the information off the screen and into my head if I am reading a long book or manual. I have always printed the item if possible. The Kindles Electronic paper is exactly like reading from paper.
The Wife really fooled me good this year too. She had all this story about how Amazon is sending it to the Florida office, and then it's going to be put on the container, Probably be here next Thursday..... yada yada yada.... ( I knew she was going to get it because she asked if I wanted one, I had actually been dreaming about it since then!
Then last Friday she says that she got me another little something, because the Kindle isn't going to be here on time. SO she brings out this cigar box sized gift-wrapped box in a cigar shop bag. I'm thinkin' "great cigars!!".
And I open the box and it was the Kindle. I haven't slept since. Back in the olden days, even before I was 10, I was constantly reading. I can't even tell you what decade that habit began to fade, I have always read, but it has been somewhat less in recent years.
Also, ya know what? I think the books will last a lot longer on the Kindle. A lot of novels these days are engineered to fall apart, have you ever noticed? You read the book once, fine, but you read it again and the pages start to fall out. Ever notice that?
People are going to say, "if you like the Kindle, you should try the iPad or the Android!" You know what? iPads don't impress me, My Palm Pilot of 15 years ago could do everything the iPad can. Plus the others have that same computer screen, the one that I find difficult to absorb information form.
Nope, the Kindle is exactly what I wanted, and I like it more now that I have it. Thank you Baby!
96956

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Sunday Morning Close Ups

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Jews and Muslims


I received this yesterday for the second time, and since I was looking for it and couldn't find it after the first time, I thought I would post it here.

Something to Consider:

The following is a copy of an article written by Spanish writer Sebastian Vilar Rodriguez and published in a Spanish newspaper on Jan. 15, 2008. It doesn't take much imagination to extrapolate the message to the rest of Europe - and possibly to the rest of the world. REMEMBER AS YOU READ -- IT WAS IN A SPANISH PAPER

Date: Tue. 15 January 2008 14:30

ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ
By Sebastian Vilar Rodrigez

I walked down the street in Barcelona , and suddenly discovered a terrible truth - Europe died in Auschwitz ... We killed six million Jews and replaced them with 20 million Muslims. In Auschwitz we burned a culture, thought, creativity, talent. We destroyed the chosen people, truly chosen, because they produced great and wonderful people who changed the world.
The contribution of this people is felt in all areas of life: science, art, international trade, and above all, as the conscience of the world. These are the people we burned. And under the pretense of tolerance, and because we wanted to prove to ourselves that we were cured of the disease of racism, we opened our gates to 20 million Muslims, who brought us stupidity and ignorance, religious extremism and lack of tolerance, crime and poverty, due to an unwillingness to work and support their families with pride. They have blown up our trains and turned our beautiful Spanish cities into the third world, drowning in filth and crime. Shut up in the apartments they receive free from the government, they plan the murder and destruction of their naive hosts. And thus, in our misery, we have exchanged culture for fanatical hatred, creative skill for destructive skill, intelligence for backwardness and superstition. We have exchanged the pursuit of peace of the Jews of Europe and their talent for a better future for their children, their determined clinging to life because life is holy, for those who pursue death, for people consumed by the desire for death for themselves and others, for our children and theirs. What a terrible mistake was made by miserable Europe ..
***********************************
The Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000; that is ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world's population. They have received the following Nobel Prizes:


Literature:

1988 - Najib Mahfooz

Peace:
1978 - Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
1990 - Elias James Corey
1994 - Yaser Arafat:
1999 - Ahmed Zewai

Economics:
(zero)

Physics:
(zero)

Medicine:
1960 - Peter Brian Medawar
1998 - Ferid Mourad

Total: 7. Seven!

The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000; that is FOURTEEN MILLION or about 0.02% of the world's population. They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1910 - Paul Heyse
1927 - Henri Bergson
1958 - Boris Pasternak
1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon
1966 - Nelly Sachs
1976 - Saul Bellow
1978 - Isaac Bashevis Singer
1981 - Elias Canetti
1987 - Joseph Brodsky
1991 - Nadine Gordimer World

Peace:
1911 - Alfred Fried
1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser
1968 - Rene Cassin
1973 - Henry Kissinger
1978 - Menachem Begin
1986 - Elie Wiesel
1994 - Shimon Peres
1994 - Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:
1905 - Adolph Von Baeyer
1906 - Henri Moissan
1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson
1908 - Gabriel Lippmann
1910 - Otto Wallach
1915 - Richard Willstaetter
1918 - Fritz Haber
1921 - Albert Einstein
1922 - Niels Bohr
1925 - James Franck
1925 - Gustav Hertz
1943 - Gustav Stern
1943 - George Charles de Hevesy
1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi
1952 - Felix Bloch
1954 - Max Born
1958 - Igor Tamm
1959 - Emilio Segre
1960 - Donald A. Glaser
1961 - Robert Hofstadter
1961 - Melvin Calvin
1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau
1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz
1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman
1965 - Julian Schwinger
1969 - Murray Gell-Mann
1971 - Dennis Gabor
1972 - William Howard Stein
1973 - Brian David Josephson
1975 - Benjamin Mottleson
1976 - Burton Richter
1977 - Ilya Prigogine
1978 - Arno Allan Penzias
1978 - Peter L Kapitza
1979 - Stephen Weinberg
1979 - Sheldon Glashow
1979 - Herbert Charles Brown
1980 - Paul Berg
1980 - Walter Gilbert
1981 - Roald Hoffmann
1982 - Aaron Klug
1985 - Albert A. Hauptman
1985 - Jerome Karle
1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach
1988 - Robert Huber
1988 - Leon Lederman
1988 - Melvin Schwartz
1988 - Jack Steinberger
1989 - Sidney Altman
1990 - Jerome Friedman
1992 - Rudolph Marcus
1995 - Martin Perl
2000 - Alan J. Heeger

Economics:
1970 - Paul Anthony Samuelson
1971 - Simon Kuznets
1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow
1975 - Leonid Kantorovich
1976 - Milton Friedman
1978 - Herbert A. Simon
1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein
1985 - Franco Modigliani
1987 - Robert M. Solow
1990 - Harry Markowitz
1990 - Merton Miller
1992 - Gary Becker
1993 - Robert Fogel

Medicine:
1908 - Elie Metchnikoff
1908 - Paul Erlich
1914 - Robert Barany
1922 - Otto Meyerhof
1930 - Karl Landsteiner
1931 - Otto Warburg
1936 - Otto Loewi
1944 - Joseph Erlanger
1944 - Herbert Spencer Gasser
1945 - Ernst Boris Chain
1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller
1950 - Tadeus Reichstein
1952 - Selman Abraham Waksman
1953 - Hans Krebs
1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann
1958 - Joshua Lederberg
1959 - Arthur Kornberg
1964 - Konrad Bloch
1965 - Francois Jacob
1965 - Andre Lwoff
1967 - George Wald
1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg
1969 - Salvador Luria
1970 - Julius Axelrod
1970 - Sir Bernard Katz
1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman
1975 - Howard Martin Temin
1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg
1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow
1978 - Daniel Nathans
1980 - Baruj Benacerraf
1984 - Cesar Milstein
1985 - Michael Stuart Brown
1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein
1986 - Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]
1988 - Gertrude Elion
1989 - Harold Varmus
1991 - Erwin Neher
1991 - Bert Sakmann
1993 - Richard J. Roberts
1993 - Phillip Sharp
1994 - Alfred Gilman
1995 - Edward B. Lewis
1996- Lu RoseIacovino
Total: 129

The Jews are NOT promoting brain washing children in military training camps, teaching them how to blow themselves up and cause maximum deaths of Jews and other non Muslims. The Jews don't hijack planes, nor kill athletes at the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants. There is NOT one single Jew who has destroyed a church. There is NOT a single Jew who protests by killing people.
The Jews don't traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for Jihad and death to all the Infidels.

Perhaps the world's Muslims should consider investing more in standard education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.
Muslims must ask 'what can they do for humankind' before they demand that humankind respects them.

Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and the Palestinians and Arab neighbors, even if you believe there is more culpability on Israel 's part, the following two sentences really say it all:
"If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no more Israel ." Benjamin Netanyahu

It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.
He did this because he said in words to this effect: 'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses - because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened'


Recently, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the, 6 million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved, beaten, experimented on and humiliated' while many people looked the other way.

Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust to be 'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.


How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center 'NEVER HAPPENED' because it offends some Muslim in the United States ?

Friday, July 08, 2011

Mystery Objects

Identify the mysterious objects in the mysterious photos below.


Thursday, July 07, 2011

Over th' hump

It's Thursday, we're over the week hump. Here, yesterday, it rained all day. We really needed that rain. Last night I could see the moon through the clouds, and today is still cloudy, but it's not raining now. Might clear up, might rain more. It's a toss up.

I'm sitting here drinking coffee, trying to think of more to write. The Wife quit drinking coffee, temporarily. Oh well, more for me!

The Cats! Oh yeah! Yesterday, I looked out and they were there, on the edge of the yard by the woods. I got some food out but none of them would come over. I took the food out to them next to the woods and they ate it all! SO I took the empty dish back and gave them more food, but I made them come over to their regular eating place. They came, but they were very skittish. I coughed and they all ran away, but immediately came back. It'll take a few days to get them loosened up again, and then we'll take the next one to the vet for "repairs". Maybe the cats will be easier to tame afterward.
Below are some phone photos from yesterday. Also, see the link for Qik in my sidebar and you can see a crappy video of the cats too.
Little One, the one in front, is the cat who just got back from the vet. I thought she was still acting a little 'lobotomized' yesterday...
Have you a good Thursday and let me be the first to wish you a great weekend!

96562

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Let one cat go....

Yesterday I picked up the cat from the vet. She seemed kind of doped up. We kept her in her cage till after sundown, as recommended, then let her go.
She ran off about a dozen steps, sat and turned and looked at us.
Then she ran about an other dozen steps and sat and looked back at us.
Over and over till she was out of the yard and in the woods. Dozen steps, sit and look back.
I hope we see her again.
96441

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Caught one cat

Last night the wife and I caught the first cat. My wife named this cat Little One.
Today Little One will be taken to the vet and "fixed".
I feel sorry for Little One, I hope she's not scared and I hope she feels no pain, and I hope she's home again this afternoon no worse for the wear.
96341

Sunday, July 03, 2011

Otaheite Apple

My wife germinated a seed from this fruit and we had it growing in a pot. Yesterday I transplanted it in the yard. The first two pics are from the internet, and the bottom one is the tree in place, next to it's old pot.

It is pronounced OTA-EETEE Apple. I've also heard it called a Jamaica Apple.


The fruit is fantastic. It is nothing like I'd ever had anywhere else. The fruit is so delicate that it cannot be shipped. If fact, just handling it seems to bruise it. The taste is mild, light and airy. The texture is kind of like a green pepper, but not as dense. Very difficult to describe. Very delicate, very good. Although the flesh is more or less solid, except for an air pocket around the seed, The fruit weighs next to nothing.

I hope this tree takes hold in its new home and grows for hundreds of years and produces fruit for generations.
96118

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Proof Of Human Existence

While out snorkeling the other day, I was trying to prove the existence of the human race.
Nope

Nothing here at 'The Pinnacle'

Nada

Swarm of attack fish coming right at me!

Whew! They're not so bad..

Finally, just when I was starting to have my doubts about the very existence of the human race, I found irrefutable proof!Proof of Human Existence!
95992

Friday, July 01, 2011

Training for Shipboard life while at home:

I did four years at sea in the US Navy years and years ago, but I still can't read this without laughing out loud!

Training for Shipboard life while at home:

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of
the walls.

3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray".

4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the
scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay $10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5 a.m., and blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille, Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6 a.m. and read it to you.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight, then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours, and hang a sign on the door that reads "Secured-contact OA division at X-3053"

11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you to leave your house before 3 p.m.

12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months is up, take down the boards, wave at your friends and family through the front window of your home...you can't leave until the next day as- you have duty.

13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (i.e., dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).

15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.

16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This is to ensure your engine is properly "lighted off".

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3 times a day, whether they need it or not. (Now sweepers, man your brooms, clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all shitcans over the fantail)

18. Repaint your entire house once a month.

19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning you can get your hands on.

20. Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

21. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

22. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch CNN and the Weather Channel.

23. Avoid watching TV with the exception of movies that are played in the middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then show a different one.

24. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

25. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

26. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world travel".

27. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.

28. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead bodies of your co-workers.

29. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.

30. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone, and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under attack, and order them to man their battle stations. ("General quarters, general quarters, all hands man your battle stations")

31. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking the pantry and refrigerator.

32. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don't pay attention to the menu any more so they just ask for hot dogs.

33. When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

34. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have you family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals.

35. Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. Then tell them that at the end of the 6th week you're going to take them to Disneyland for "weekend liberty". When the end of the 6th week rolls around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that they need to get ready for Engineering-certification, and that it will be another week before they can leave the house.

36. In your grim, gray dumpster (refer to para. #1), with 200 of your not-so-closest friend (site para. #12) regardless of gender, suffer through PMS!

37. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have you wife whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble "Sorry, wrong rack"

38. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub, move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while you soap down.

39. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, find a wobbly rocking chair and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

40. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high

41. For ex-engineering types: Leave the lawn mower running in your living room eight hours a day.

42. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

43. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbors house. Ignore his complaints.

44. Every other month buy green or red marine primer and put it in a paint sprayer. Spray it over the roof of your house onto your neighbor's car. Ignore his complaints.

45. Lock-wire the lug nuts on your car.

46. Buy a trash compactor, but use it only once a week. Store the garbage on the other side of your bathtub.

47. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.

48. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night, jump up and get dressed as fast as you can making sure you button up the top button on your shirt, stuff you pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.

49. Once a month, take every major appliance apart and put them back together again.

50. Install a fluorescent lamp under the coffee table and then get under it and read books.

51. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through one of them.

52. Every so often, throw the cat in the pool and shout "Man overboard, starboard side" Then run into the house and sweep all the pots and dishes off the counter. Yell at the wife and kids for not having the kitchen "stowed for sea"

53. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go stand in front of your stove. Say ... to no one in particular "Stove manned and ready". Stand there for three or four hours. And say again to no one in particular "stove secured". Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a box.
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